When a member of the family is out f balance there is conflict and reaction from the other members of the family to find the balance that the system needs to operate efficiently and well. This leads to a discussion of what balanced and healthy families look like and what an out of balance and unhealthy family looks like and how to recognize the difference. According to Feldman (2014) and Brooks (2014) the healthiest families and children have the healthiest parents. Well-adjusted children for the most part grow up in well-adjusted homes with well-adjusted parents.
Not that there are not cases of children growing up in homes that re not well-adjusted and coming out the other side as healthy adults, the chances are increased with a family in homeostasis. The family is the building block of the culture. The healthier the family the healthier the society will be. According to Brooks (2014) the behavior of the child is directly related to the parenting style used by the parent or primary caregiver. Feldman (2014) states that children who have strong positive relationships with their parents also develop healthy relationships with others.
This is very important not only for friendships but in all areas of life; work relationships and marriage legislation. This naturally leads to a discussion about healthy and effective parenting style and those that are not healthy or effective. The most desired parenting style and the one that keeps the family in balance is the Authoritative Parent This parent is warm and open in communication style. Rules are established but flexible (Brooks, 2014). The parent explains the rules and reasoning and is open for the child to ask questions about the rules.
The boundaries are expanded as the child grows to accommodate new maturity (Feldman, 2014). A child reared in this type of home is secure and nonevent (Brooks, 2014) Children with this type of home life are shown to have higher critical thinking skills because they are allowed to openly question and explore within healthy boundaries (Brooks, 2014). Authoritarian parents have a rigid style of discipline. The rules are rigidly enforced in military style (Brooks, 2014) The parent is cold and uncommunicative and expects obedience without question (Feldman, 2014).
A child reared in this type of home learns obedience through intimidation and fear (Brooks, 2014). Self-esteem and self-confidence is very low. Because the hill does not feel confident to explore other relationships they are withdrawn and remain aloof from friendships (Feldman, 2014). Girls tend to be overly attached to parents whereas boys will be angry (Feldman, 2014). The Permissive parent does not enforce rules because they do not have any. According to Feldman (2014) they do not require much from their children and want to be their children’s friend.
Children raised in this type of home learn to get around the rules. They have problems in school and are emotionally insecure. Even though they may seem to be having fun they are at heart very unhappy (Brooks, 2014). The saddest parenting style is the Convolved parent. This parent pays little attention to the child or may be rejecting of the child. The parent is physically present but emotionally absent. The child is insecure emotionally and disconnected from the parent (Brooks, 2014). This has a cascading effect with the child feeling unloved.
The detachment from the parent impedes the physical and cognitive development of the child (Feldman, 2014). In the extreme form this parenting style can result in neglect and child abuse (Brooks, 2014, Feldman, 2014). Brooks (2014) stated that many times a parent will bring their child into a counselor o “fix” the child. Often the problem is not with the child but with the parenting style and the family system. Recognizing the different systems that are operating in the family and sensitively addressing those issues the family has a chance to come back into homeostasis.
According to Hanson (2014) there is an answer to problems in the family system. That answer is Jesus Christ. Biblical living leads to healthy parenting and he Thy family living. Jesus Christ is the permanent answer to unhealthy family systems. The family operates just like a living organism. The human body works to maintain a lance called homeostasis and a family operates optimally when it also has balance. The body will react when a part is out of balance and a family will have conflict and stress when a part is out of balance.
Both work to bring the imbalance into balance (Vinson, 2014). A recognition of the systems that operate within the family is important to understanding the causes of unhealthy behaviors in children. The behavior of the child is usually a direct result of the parenting style used. Recognizing the style of parenting within the family and understanding the effects of this on the child will help the counselor help the family (Brooks, 2014). The greatest help is to introduce the family to Jesus Christ who is the only One who can transform the unhealthy to healthy over the long term.